English in Science Classroom - A support or Hinderence

Being an international language, English has become the need of time. There are many language centres and English medium schools around which are considered of high standard due to their emphasis on English language. My visit to different well recognized English Medium Schools has shown that children get the maximum exposure to a second language (L2) through variety of activities both inside and outside classrooms. This could be through teachers’ modeling, teaching learning resources, positive attitude, exposure activities like movie shows, and many more. The same is reflected by Cameron (2001) that the amount and type of exposure to a language is essential for its development. I personally agree with the notion that more input will lead to the maximum output with reference to language in younger children. However, being a science educationist, my concern is that how English language supports or interferes in the cognitive development of a child.

Cameron (2001) suggested that L1 is always helpful in understanding new concepts and in the cognitive development of children. One of my observations in the Maths period in grade 1 indicates that students faced difficulty in understanding new concepts, which were only explained in English. For example when a teacher asked students to write “a quarter” numerically, most of them wrote 4/1. Had initial explanation been allowed in L1, the outcome might have been otherwise. Similarly, my own experience tells me that students feel comfortable when they are taught difficult concepts of chemistry in Urdu (L1). This makes teaching bilingual where the main terms are in English (as mentioned in the books) but the rest explanation is in Urdu (first language). This practice on one hand provides a comfortable and language friendly atmosphere in the class, however, isn't in accordance to the school’s language policy. Furthermore, it is also important to have a synergy in the medium of instructions in the classroom with the medium of assessment. Focusing on L1 in science classrooms and L2 for the assessment leads to the double standards for the children who may feel difficulty to express them at the time of paper pencil test. This is the biggest dilemma for me as a science teacher to find out my position while selecting the language in science classroom. Also, Many contextual realities make the issue more complex, for example, the importance of English language in society, less availability of learning resources in L1, lack of teachers’ command on L2 etc. How can one keep the balance between these important aspects of teaching and learning? Should teacher be bilingual and provide both language opportunities in the classroom simultaneously in order to meet the demand of child’s cognitive development and assessment.

A-Z OF TEACHING

A: Achieving excellence
B: believing in learners
C: creating learning spaces
D: dealing with diversity
E: exercising leadership
F: Focusing on learning outcomes
G: Growing personally and professionally
H: Having ownership
I: Inviting intellectual discourse
J: Juggling with ASK
K: keeping oneself updated
L: learning, unlearning and relearning

M: maximizing interaction

N: nurturing personalities
O: optimizing the learning opportunities
P: practicing what is preached
Q: Questioning the norms
R: raising the souls
S: self reflecting
T: Taking risks
U: understanding the contextual needs
V: valuing human
W: working collaboratively
X: Xeroxing passion
Y: yielding destiny

Z: zooming out the potential

ls

Culture of Questioning

Are we open for questions from our youngsters as a parent or a teacher or a brother or a sister? i don't think so. We show ourselves very liberal by allowing certain questions, however, there is a list where we exercise our authority to stop the reasoning practice. For example, as parents we don't like responding to questions that challenge our norms and customs. As teachers, we don't like students asking questions we are not sure about. But here I have a concern. Is it necessary that as an adult we know answers of each and every question? Or does every question have black and white answer? How can we raise a thinking generation if we don't give them freedom of opinion and question? Unfortunately, at the end we will get mere followers and not the leaders.

One of the critical incidents I observed in the class was when teacher asked students to raise questions out of the taught topic. To my surprise, students were silent. I thought they might have not understood the topic so I asked them to recap the whole session and they told me exactly what was taught to them. This was the true example of transmission mode of learning. When I reflected as a teacher and teacher educator, I realized that similar situation happens very frequently in our classrooms. One of the reasons could be that students don't know what to ask, why to ask and how to ask. The dilemma of our education systems is that classroom teaching is based on what syllabus asks for and not what learners need to. This results in the lack of interest as well as lack of conceptual understanding.

There are two main areas that lead to the above issue. One is the nature of curriculum. Are we focusing on the relevant and updated curriculum in our country? Do we teach our students about agriculture which is the biggest profession in our country? Where is the place of vocational training in our system? Out of many other issues, relevance is the biggest problem which results in the lack of motivation and clarity among the learners. Curriculum developers need to see the contextual realities and then link it with the appropriate and relevant content to make it interesting and applicable for the learners.

The second problem is pedagogy. As a teacher, do we make our students realized about the need and significance of the content we are teaching. Are we teaching different concepts as absolute facts or something which is application based and could be challenged. Our teaching methodology needs to be encapsulated with the constructivist approach of learning where we base our teaching on students' prior knowledge and learning gaps. This would help us to identify the alternative frameworks and as a result model some of the good questions in the class. Once students experience what to ask, why to ask and how to ask through teachers' modeling, they will learn and practice themselves.

Similarly as parents, we need to first develop this understanding with our children that questions may have grey areas to be discussed and challenged further. Adults, like all human beings, have limited knowledge and therefore don't have authority on ideas and knowledge. Once we develop this understanding, the second step is to practice them. For this, freedom of question is important. We encourage our children to ask questions and then facilitate them in finding out ways to reflect on their own questions.

I feel that as a nation, we need to have a shift in our attitude as adults. We should not control the thinking of our youth and making them slaves of existing norms, beliefs and practices. For this, first step would be to reflect our own practices (I meant questioning our own beliefs, perceptions and practices). Challenging oneself is the biggest challenge but would give positive fruit in a long run.

Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead tell your storm how big your GOD is.

Following is the real story which gives a true lesson of faith and struggle in life.

In Phoenix, Arizona, a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia. Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up and fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible..

The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son's dreams to come true. She took her son's hand and asked, "Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?"

Mommy, "I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up." Mom smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can make your wish come true."

Later that day she went to her local fire department in Phoenix, Arizona, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix.

She explained her son's final wish and asked if it might be possible to give her six-year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, "Look, we can do better than that. If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an honorary fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! And if you'll give us his measurement, we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat-not a toy one-with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots. They're all manufactured right here in Phoenix, so we can get them fast."

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his fire uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station.

He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls. He rode in the different fire engines, the paramedic's van, and even the fire chief's car.

He was also videotaped for the local news program. Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital. Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition. The chief replied, "We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor?

When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire? It's just the fire department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?

About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window 16 firefighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room. With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they loved him. With his dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said, "Chief, am I really a fireman now?" "Billy, you are, and the Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand," the chief said.

With those words, Billy smiled and said, "I know, He's been holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing.." He closed his eyes one last time.

God is Great

My Reflection:

It is fact that problems and issues are necessary parts of life and are equally important for the personal as well as professional development of an individual. The biggest fear in this world is the fear of uncertainty. In fact the center of life itself is "if" - a symbol of uncertainty, how one can expect to be certain throughout life. I firmly believe that problems in life are our friends because while coping up with them, we learn how to deal with change and thus we become stronger to deal with uncertainties.

Also, each problem in life brings opportunities with it, however, exploring them or wasting them depend on us. There are many examples around us where people have changed their problems into blessings. However, for this, two elements are necessary. one is power of faith that is believing in oneself as well as the supreme power - God, where later has complete control on our lives. Second is the power of self effort. His Highness the Aga Khan III said, "struggle is the meaning of life. defeat of victory is in the hands on God. but struggle itself is one's duty and should be his joy". It is true that nobody gets anything except what s/he tries to (Al-Quran). Some times the effort doesn't result in actual accomplishment of task but the learning, personal development, skills, self satisfaction and happiness out of that effort are real and long lasting achievements. My message to myself as well as to all readers is;

"Equip yourself with power of faith and effort and then take a step forward to deal with your problem. You will find yourself closer to your destination and that feeling itself is an achievement"

Letter from Heaven

The following poem I received from one of my colleagues on the demise of my father which this literally touched my soul and heart. I want to share it with all those who miss their beloved ones. I believe on each and every word of it as I've experienced the presence of my father in every second of my life.

LETTER FROM HEAVEN

To my dearest family and friends,

something I’d like to say…

But first of all, to let you know,

that I arrived okay.

I’m writing this from Heaven, Here I

dwell with God above.

Here, there’s no more tears of

Sadness; here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just

because I’m out of sight.

Remember that I’m with you

every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when

my life on earth was through.

God picked me up and hugged me

and He said, “I welcome you”.

God gave me a list of things that he

wished for me to do.

And foremost on the list, was to

watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night,

The day’s chores put to flight.

God and I are closest to you … in the

middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth,

and all those loving years.

Because you are only human, they

are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry; it does

relieve the pain.

Remember there would be no

flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that

God has planned. But if I were to tell

you, you wouldn’t understand.

But one thing is for certain, though

my life on earth is over;

I’m closer to you now, than I ever

was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead

of you and many hills to climb;

but together we can do it by taking

one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and

I’d like it for you too …

That as you give unto the world, the

world will give to you.

And when it’s time for you to go…

From that body to be free.

Remember you’re not going … you’re

coming here to me.

"Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality". (Beatrix Potter)

The notion of multiple intelligence and its implication in education is best explained by above video called "Animal School". Please watch the video and read the poem given below. Reflect on your own practices as teacher and past experiences as learner. Ask yourself are you an offender or a victim or both?

POEM

One Little Boy

Once a little boy went to school.

He was quite a little boy.

And it was quite a big school.

But when the little boy

Found that he could go to his room

By walking right in from the door outside

He was happy.

And the school did not seem quite so big

Any more.

One morning

When the little boy had been in school a while

The teacher said:

“Today we are going to make a picture.”

“Good!” thought the little boy.

He liked to make pictures.

He could make all kinds: Lions and tigers,

Chicken and cows,

Trains and boats

And he took out his box of crayons

And began to draw.

But the teacher said: “Wait”

"It is not time to begin!”

And she waited until everyone looked ready:

“Now," said the teacher.

“We are going to make flowers.”

“Good!” thought the little boy.

He liked to make flowers.

And he began to make beautiful ones

With his pink and orange and blue crayons.

But the teacher said, “Wait!

And I will show you how.”

And it was red, with a green stem,

“There," said the teacher,

“Now you may begin.”

The little boy looked at the teacher’s flower,

Then he looked at his own flower.

He liked his flower better than the teacher’s.

But he did not say this.

He just turned his paper over,

And made a flower like the teacher’s.

It was red, with a green stem.

On another day

When the little boy had opened

The door from the outside all by himself,

The teacher said:

“Today we are going to make something with clay.”

“Good!” thought the little boy

He liked clay.

He could make all kinds of things with clay:

Snakes and snowmen,

Elephants and mice,

Cars and trucks.

And he began to pull and pinch

His ball of clay.

But the teacher said:

“Wait! It is not time to begin!”

And she waited until everyone looked ready,

“Now,” said the teacher,

“We are going to make a dish.”

“Good!” thought the little boy.

He liked to make dishes.

And he began to make some

That were all shapes and sizes.

But the teacher said “Wait!”

And I will show you how.”

And she showed everyone how to make

One deep dish.

“There,” said the teacher

“Now you may begin”.

The little boy looked at the teacher’s dish,

Then he looked at his own

He likes his dishes better that the teacher’s.

But he did not say this.

He just rolled his clay into a big ball again.

And made a dish like the teacher’s.

It was a deep dish.

And pretty soon

The little boy learned to wait

And to watch.

And to make things just like the teacher.

And pretty soon he didn’t make things

Of his own anymore.

Then it happened

That the little boy and his family

Moved to another house

In another city.

And the little boy

Had to go to another school.

The school was even bigger

Than the other one

And there was no door from the outside

Into his room

He had to go up some big steps

And walk down a long hall

To get to his room

And the very first day

He was there,

The teacher said:

“Today we are going to make a picture.”

“Good,” thought the little boy,

and waited for the teacher

to tell him what to do.

But the teacher didn’t say anything

She just walked around the room.

When she came to the little boy,

She said, “Don’t you want to make a picture?”

“Yes,” said the little boy,

“What are we going to make?”

“I don’t know until you make it” the teacher said.

“How shall I make it?” asked the little boy.

“Why, any way you like,” said the teacher.

“And any colour?”

“Any colour,” said the teacher,

“If everyone made the same picture,

and used the same colours,

how would I know who made what,

and which was which?”

“I don’t know,” said the little boy.

And he began to make a red flower,

With a green stem.

(Source: “Strong Foundations – A guide for ECE Teachers“ Mahenaz Mahmud, Teachers’s Resource Centre – making a difference, 2002)

Role of Re-conceptualization in Teachers’ Professional Development

According to Gorodetsky and Keiny (2002), conceptual conflicts arise during the processes of assimilation and accommodation of new learning, lead to conceptual change. However, this needs to be coupled with the processes like reflection, critical thinking and self-study to attain the goal of meaningful learning. Before we go into this discussion, the first question arises, what is Re—conceptualization? There is no precise way to define re-conceptualization as it depends on our perceptions. However, I agree with the following words:

It is the notion of making the unknown explicit, understanding the underlying assumptions, beliefs, values, and experiences that inform one’s actions. (Alvi.U, e-mail, Dec 9, 05)

When we talk about re-conceptualization in teaching, it is described as a learning process that helps teachers to reflect and understand their own beliefs, perceptions and practices of teaching learning process. It also helps teachers to critically analyze their own curriculum orientation and provides an opportunity for enhancing the understanding through discovery of alternatives. In the following section, I will try to analyze the notion of re-conceptualization and its importance for teachers’ professional development in the light of my own experiences.

Link between Reflective Practice and Re-conceptualization

Reflection implies more than thinking. It is not only based on reasoning but involves the process of challenging the self for a changed self-perception. This is re-conceptualization. Reflective thinking which is always purposeful (Dinkelman, 2003) is not a routine thinking, but we engage and make decisions through arguments for the rationale and future implication of improvement in self-perception. As Dinkelman (2003) explains that reflective practice enables teachers to think about what they are doing and why, and reason through their problems so that their pedagogy is more appropriate to the given situation.

The basic difference between routine thinking and critical thinking is that the former is objective based but latter is for improvement purpose. For example, in my context, I used to think about the positive and negative aspects of the lesson after every session, which I considered as reflection. Now, I realized that this was not critical thinking process. It might lead to a well-informed teaching process as it is guided by thinking. However, critical thinking directs the teacher to identify and reflect on each part of his/her lesson and to analyze how it could be improved further. This leads towards change in practice, which Fullan (1987) refers as three-dimensional. He identified these changes in terms of material use, teaching approaches and belief as all these three together achieve an educational goal.

My Journey of Re-conceptualization

I started my journey of inquiring my own self at AKU-IED when faculty often asked us to reflect on our practices and perceptions as teachers. I realized that I dominantly had traditional approach of teaching and learning both as a teacher and as a student which include teacher-centered classroom environment and transmission mode of content delivery. With the same philosophy of teaching and learning, I started my journey as a teacher with limited resources and opportunities. Though I never considered my students as empty vessels and my self as the only source of knowledge, most of the time my mode of teaching was based on the transmission nature. This could be due to several reasons; including my own learning experience, time constraints, pressure of syllabus coverage and memorization based evaluation process. I was considered as a good teacher as all my students got good marks in the final board exams. I usually worked with “prepackaged curriculum material” (Fullan, 1987, p. 259), as a result, my students’ learning was based on rote memorization and not on self-creativity. After getting fascinating learning experience at IED, I revisited my existed beliefs and practice. I started thinking the impacts of different teaching orientations on students’ learning. In-fact I am still in the process of re-conceptualizing my beliefs about the processes like planning, teaching and assessment for future implication.

Developing Reflective Practice in the Context

After experiencing the fruit of reflective practice during M.Ed., when I rejoined my school as teacher educator, the biggest question for me was how to nurture the same practice in the context. I followed the guidance of Spilkova (2001) who considered cooperative environment a necessary element for the reflective practice. I knew that if a healthy and a supportive environment is not established, then teachers might show defensiveness instead of insight during reflective practice. With the same belief, I developed several structures and programmes based on the collaborative and friendly culture. Some of these structures are post observation conferences, micro-teaching session, co-planning and co-teaching sessions etc where teachers’ beliefs and practices on several notions are challenged in a humble and polite manner. One of such notions is the notion of assessment where challenging the teachers’ existing practice is the first step from my side and then providing them knowledge and a skill for changed practice is the second step. Many times, I feel that teachers have great tendency to revert back to their original practice. Therefore continuous and repeated opportunity of reflective practice along with necessary support was provided to teachers to help them for the accommodation that is replacing old concepts with new concepts.

Implication

Importance of re-conceptualization to teacher’s professional learning has several implications for teacher education initiatives.

• Re-conceptualization is the best teacher and therefore processes like reflection, self study and critical thinking should be the part of teacher education programme. This reflective practice helps teachers to revisit again and again their practices and to learn and unlearn about teaching learning process.
• A meaningful and lasting change cannot be attained forcefully. The initiative for change should be intrinsic and not extrinsic. However, conductive environment and trustful relation leads to teacher’s acceptance of this notion. This ultimately helps an individual to recognize their own belief and perception and guides them to ways of self-improvement.
• Certain models and structures should be in place in the system to make reflective practice as regular and continuous process. This will give a platform to teachers to develop skills and disposition towards life long learning process.
• Schools should be supportive for the change. This includes the modification in physical infra-structure, classroom setting, resource availability and mode of classroom teaching for maximum learning opportunity.

Conclusion

All above discussion proves that re-conceptualization should be a continuous process that makes us conscious about the learning process. Through this process we explore alternative approaches for new and challenging situations during educational practice. This is the approach through which we challenge our beliefs, notion, practices for better understanding and changes. As a result we develop our professional artistry and make a linkage between the theory and practice.

A Step Forward --- My Reflection

I started my community service at a very young age and served as a guide, teacher and management person in different institutions. Particularly my experience while working with ITREB gave me a sense of direction and skills to serve the community as an Al-wa’za and speaker in a voluntary capacity. I have been associated with this service for more than 20 years, and achieved a good name in the field (Alhamdullilah). I conducted many motivational and awareness raising sessions for diversified group of people on various topics. However, recently I realized that there is a shift in the attitude of audience who are now more inclined towards participatory session rather than listening to emotional speeches. Particularly youth like to have sessions where they can speak, have fun and get involve in activities. This motivated me to reflect on my current practices as a speaker and to take initiatives for the changed approach as per the demand of time. I observed some of the famous corporate trainers and tried to learn the approach they exercise in their sessions. Whatever was learned through observation of these trainers, I piloted in the yesterday’s session which I conducted with the volunteers of Gulshan-e-Noor with lots of apprehensions and question marks. Following is my reflection on that session that helped me to decide the next line of action for me.

Yesterday’s session was neither a complete success nor a complete failure for me. I tried to adapt new style and method, however, reflected on few areas that need to be improved further. I used to follow 3C policy until now that is confidence, content and connections. I found this 3C policy workable in many situations where I exercise confidence, present a good content and build connections among and between the contents and audience. My yesterday’s session reflected the need of change in the definition and scope of this 3C policy.

1. Confidence: This means an open and flexible attitude of presenter during presentation in order to invite jokes, sharing, comments and all type of fun. Confidence is shown through the presenters' movement, energy level, selection of words, sharing of support material in a right manner at the right time.
2. Content: The content should be as little as possible but predominantly based on examples, observations and situations related to current issues of the topic. Material should be simple but attractive like using acronyms, videos etc.
3. Connections: Connection should mainly be developed with the audience through their active participation. For this, creative tasks need to be developed where they do fun explicitly and learn implicitly.

I believe several personal traits lead to this approach; for example, creativity, knowledge, boldness, social nature, and energy level of presenter. How to start about it, I don’t know but what to do for these traits I know. I am working on it right now and have a firm belief to develop my skills in this area with the motive to serve community as per the demand of time. Best thing is that we have models around us who can guide us through their actions and advices.

Fun Theory to Change Behaviours

Humans are emotional beings and therefore their attitude and behaviors are highly determined by their moods, surroundings, and interest. These behavior patterns greatly influence on their work efficiency and effectiveness. In this write-up I would like to discuss the ways to develop positive attitude with reference to voluntary service in the community. I have strong belief that participation of volunteers in community development has positive impact at personal as well as community level. These honorary workers who share their time, knowledge, resources and expertise are the backbone for any community. They are the key pillars for community progress in all dimensions including economic, social, educational and other aspects of life.

It is observed that there is a growing trend of youth participation in community that brings professional expertise and attitude in the voluntary service. Though it is encouraging to see large number of youngsters sharing their time and expertise, the bigger question is how to retain their interest and involvement for a long time. It is observed that the passion and energy with which these youngsters start their services would not last long. Their on-off engagement on the other hand brings several challenges for the institutions. There could be several reasons that might lead to lowering the level of interest, energy and contribution of these young volunteers. Among many others, one reason is absence of motivational factor for them. In contrary to these volunteers, professional workers get their salary out of their work which could be a source of motivation for them to continue their efforts with same zeal and zest. How one could bring the same motivation without associating it with monitoring benefit? This is the most pertaining question in today’s fast world where survival has become more challenging and demanding. Taking out time from busy life is difficult nowadays but at the same time this is fact that no community can sacrifice their tradition of voluntary service as it is important for their survival as well.

For me motivation could be of two types. One is extrinsic motivation that comes from surrounding, like praise, rewards, salary, appreciations, and promotion. The other is intrinsic motivation which comes from inside. I feel that later has long lasting impact as compare to the former but former plays important role for the later. However, only relying on the surrounding would not serve the purpose as it is more people dependent and therefore unreliable as well as time bounded. Where as if one enjoys his/her work, and has fun and self satisfaction, will survive longer. For this, one needs to take certain steps to bring fun in day to day work. This is fact that fun is the key for human beings and makes them relax, creative and energetic. As a result, these characteristics build positive attitude for positive outcome. Following address will lead you to a video which claims that fun can change people’s attitude. Watch it and reflect how one can bring fun in his/her honorary service to enjoy it thoroughly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lXh2n0aPyw

Secret of Happy Life

Stress, tensions, depression, problems, these are common words and are very frequently used nowadays by every one of us in our routine life. But have we thought ever, what is stress? Road accident or severe disease or bomb blast … are these stress. NO. Stress is not an incident, situation or the object but one’s attitude and response towards these situations. Let’s take an example, sunny day in summer is curse for us in Pakistan but is considered as blessing in UK. This means that one’s attitude and response towards any incident make things good or worse for him/her. I strongly believe that unless you don’t allow, no situation or person could make bad things with you. God has given control in our hands; sometimes this control is on situation (when things are in our circle of influence), otherwise this control can be exercise on our response to that concerned situation. Situation of sunny day is the best example where hot weather could be in our circle of concern but not in the circle of influence. We can’t change the sunny day, however, how we respond to that weather, what we think and what we act like, it all is in our hands.

If we understand two facts; one that taking or handling stress is in our control and second that no one in this world lives without problems. The next question arises what leads to different problems in our lives. Some problems might be the result of natural disaster like the one we are facing now due to flood in Pakistan but there are many more which are created by ourselves. Gandhi said, “You can fulfill your need but you can’t fulfill your greed”. This is true; we have a long wish list in life which increases with the passage of time. Many times we disappoint when wishes are not fulfilled or we suffer due to our wrong decisions for the fulfillment of wishes. I would like to quote His Highness Aga Khan III, he said, “If your one fourth wishes in the life gets fulfilled you are lucky. Always look people who don’t have things that you have and thank God”. In this connection, I would like you to watch this video taken from Youtube and think that are we so deprive in life more than the person in the video. Shouldn’t we thank God to bless things which are so essential for life but we take them for granted. Reflect on these ideas which watching this video.

------------- VIDEO ----------------

When I watched this video of Nick Vojick, I realized that stress is not the issue, the real problem with us is stress management. I like to share my pattern of stress management with you which I am able to practice in many of my situations. This pattern consists of few action steps and few beliefs;

Step I: Analyzing the situation / issue: whether it is in my circle of influence (can I do something to change it) or circle of concern (I can’t do any thing to change it but it is bothering me).

Step 2: Control the situation, if it is in my circle of influence. For this, I jot down all possible ways and then try out each possibility based on the priority. But I believe that if all possibilities don’t work, there are other possibilities which will work, but I haven’t explored those yet. So I keep on thinking and trying.

Step 3: If the situation is not in my influence but only the concern, I try to adapt positive attitude towards it. Because if I would do otherwise, I will allow the situation to hurt me more.

Step 4: With all above steps, I always belief that I have one supreme authority who knows everything better than me and will do better for me. Trusting and praying to God gives me strength and feeling that I am not alone in this effort. God always supports in the positive decisions, decisions which are intended for betterment of everybody and are in accordance to natural ethics.

The above steps help me to cope up with the day to day issues I face in my life. Robert Schuler in his book “tough time never lasts but tough people do” gives many such examples where individuals overcome their crises and restarted their lives positively.

Considering the current situation in Pakistan where people face multiple problems including economic, security, social, financial, health etc. we need to educate people to manage stress successfully. Such soft skills should be the part of school curriculum and should be taught to the youth of country through variety of forums like youth clubs, schools, home etc. Nowadays people talk about revolution, I belief the first step is to bring change in oneself, in our attitude, thinking and approach towards problems. This can lead to collective effort as a nation to face the challenge positively and effectively for a better solution.

Art of Parenting

Parenting is an art and each one of us should know it before we become parents. Why is it so crucial? What is its significance in one's life? How can be I a good mother? These are some of the questions that continuously helping me to reflect my own practices and beliefs as mother. You can find number of parents around you who appreciate their child on their obedience and following instructions, but my question to them is, are we dealing with human beings or machines? Do we want to make our child as leader or the follower? Why are we so emphasizing on their obedience and in return killing their creativity and empowerment? And then when they grow old, we expect them to take major decisions of their lives intelligently and independently. It is like you don't educate a person and ask him / her to act like a renowned scientist. I intensely feel the importance of this topic for the development of nation in general and community in particular. This write-up is therefore to invite every reader for their critical reflection and thoughts on my sharing based on my learning through readings, observations and experiences.

There is no doubt that I love my daughter very much like all mothers but some times I reflect that my own principles and wishes dominate my love. This is when I impose things on her (definitely with good intension as per my view) rather than accepting her individuality. I as a parent want to see my child excelling in every field; she must be healthy, intelligent, social, morally developed etc etc besides realizing that being an adult I myself is even not so perfect. Due to this long wish list, I sometimes suppress her individuality through my rigid decisions and rules. Take an example, I ask my daughter to complete the meal that I cook for her. For this I use different weapons both emotional and psychological like bribing, praising, scolding. I neglect other conditions like her mood, liking / disliking of that particular food, state of hunger and digestion. On the other side MY RULE IS RULE that needs to be followed at any cost. This sometimes results in her vomiting that creates problem for both of us. This seems a small issue but it can serve as the best example of cruelty. No doubt I do that practice with good intentions to make her healthy and fit but the approach I used is very unhealthy and leads to worse decision and worst outcome. There are many other examples in daily routine where I feel that my praise and gifts make her dependent of getting social acceptance and material benefits rather than satisfaction on her own decisions and accomplishments.

I was reading a book "kids are worth it!" by Mrs. Barbara Coloroso who explained three different types of parenting. According to her, families have mini-cultures that develop language, attitude and behaviors of individuals. These three types of families are;

1. Brick-Wall Family: Very rigid parenting where rule is from parents and child has to abide it. Otherwise child gets punishment or humiliation. Parents enforce their rules rigidly and teach their child what to think and not how to think.

2. Jellyfish Family: These are very flexible family with no recognizable disciplines, rules and norms. Parents go with their children’s decisions all the time and do not contribute their roles. They are least bother what their children are doing as they give them complete freedom regardless of its implications

3. Backbone family: It lies between the above two extreme types where parents give necessary support and structure along with the democracy and authority to child. Children were taught how to think. They always get love, hugs and smiles from family members and feel that this love is not only subject to abiding the rules.

This book provides me several points to think and reflect on my perceptions and practices. I realized that besides controlling, there are other ways to make children disciplined. This is when you accept their ownership and authority to their lives as responsible citizen. Author says that other than life threatening situations where you need to be rigid in your decisions, otherwise child should feel ownership on their decision. There is no need to give them mini lectures but to model good practices by you, no need to tell them what is right or which colour should s/he wear but let them decide good for them. Let them take their decisions and learn through their mistakes. The impact of learning will be more when they think themselves rather than thinking through their parents' minds.

I believe, as a parent, self reflection is the first step but bringing this learning into practice is second and the challenging one. But I feel I, you and we all CAN do it because we all love our children VERY MUCH